


The Road

by atearsarahjane



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-23 18:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18155207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atearsarahjane/pseuds/atearsarahjane
Summary: Shelagh walks down the misty road alone and cold. Originally posted on ff.net in 2014/5





	1. Chapter 1

She didn't know what she'd expected really. She'd ignored his plea and taken the bus, she'd gotten lost and now she was walking cold and alone in the mist. She'd considered waiting in case he turned up at the sanatorium,truth be told it was the main reason she'd phoned him, but Chummy had sounded rather desperate when she was talking to Doctor Turner and so she assumed Dolly Smart had gone into labour. The Doctor would be tied up for a while. Oh it had been so good to hear Chummys voice again, Trixie had excitedly informed her of their friends up coming birth and explained that as such the tall nurse would be unable to visit. It had now been 7 months since she'd last seen Chummy and had missed her dreadfully. Nevermind...she'd be back in Poplar soon...So long as they didn't all reject her completely for her decision. Which was very possible.

 

Had she misinterpreted the words he had written to her? He'd never explicitly explained how he'd felt, only implied it and in relation to the held gazes and the eyes that always seemed to follow her around the room and the hand kiss...oh that kiss..well she had been certain of his feelings. And this was real life not one of the novels Trixie liked to read. Doctor Turner was hardly going to appear out of the mist, her knight in shining armour, profess his love for her and wrap her up in his coat now was he? She'd see him back in Poplar and they would talk. They could make a start. Oh but what if she had misunderstood? What if he was sat in his office chuckling at her odd behaviour in calling him? She felt sick. Had she left behind her life for nothing? Had she risked the only home she had for a mild intrigue from the Doctor? Had she betrayed Him? No. No she had left the Order for herself. It wasn't her path. God had given her this new path as Shelagh Mannion and she was going to walk it with or without the sisters, and the nurses and The Doctor...without Timothy. Oh Timothy. Such a darling boy, a boy who could very well be her son if she had understood his father correctly, a boy who had sent her the butterfly she had in her bag. She could be his mum. The thought excited her more than she expected. With this move she could have a stepson and children of her own and grandchildren. She could be a part of a family, an actual family.

 

She hadn't been a part of a family since her father had died when she was 14. The children's home had been cold and dank. Nobody spoke to each other, nobody bonded. You went to school, you came home and ate then were set to chores and locked in your rooms. Nonnatus House had come close but she was always so much younger than her Sisters, her ideas too radical, her voice too quiet. Only Sister Evangelina, and later Sister Julienne, had had any time for her and she had been glad that they had been the two to remain on,along with Sister Monica Joan who was one of the lesser problems, when their Order had spilt into two and the nuns who had scorned her had gone to Sussex. But even then she could never feel fully familial with them. And the nurses...She had always wished to be closer friends with them but in the early years they viewed her as the strange little nun with the silly accent. It had only been after Trixie, and then Cynthia, had joined that it began to change. They actually spoke to her and she found friends. It had gotten even worse when Jenny and Chummy joined. Perhaps that was when the unease had started. She finally saw what she was missing out on, was finally allowed on the outskirts of life, had a tantalising taste of freedom. But she had been a nun. And they respected that. Sometimes she wished they didn't. Just once couldn't they have invited her into their rooms as they giggled and she could join them though. If she was allowed to continue on as a nurse that was. If they even wanted to talk to her after her betrayal. If the Doctor even loved her as desperately as she could now admit to herself she did him.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted as the rumble of an engine began to build up behind her. She turned. What looked like a green car was appearing out of the fog, it looked like there was a child leaning out if the window. She gasped. Could it be? Could it really be that he had come for her? The mist cleared and she saw the driver.


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't him. She couldn't help but be disappointed. Yes it was a ridiculous romantic notion but she wanted romance with her Doctor so much. The disappointment felt like an iron fist closing tighter and tighter around her stomach. The car drew nearer.

'You alright darling?' The man rolled down his window.

'Fine thank you. Just lost.'

'Same here. Oh well. Just got to keep on going til the mist clears eh? Hope you find you find your way.' The man began to drive off and the girl in the front seat leaned back out.

'You look ridiculous! Get some clothes from this decade for goodness sake!'

'Alice!' She heard the man scold pulling her back in.

'Could I-' It was too late, the car had already disappeared back into the mist. 'Okay. No lift then...Sister Bernadette would have gotten a lift.' She murdered to herself before shaking herself. 'No need to wallow. Onwards.'

 

40 minutes later she had finally reached a small town. She began to wander around aimlessly before laying eyes on a small pub. Perfect.

'Excuse me.' She crept up to the bar. The landlady stopped and looked her over confused.

'What on earth are you wearing love?'

'Oh um...these are the only clothes I have. Sorry. Do you have a phone I could use? I thought I might have been getting a lift from...from a friend but that didn't happen so i was supposed to be getting the bus but I got on the wrong one and had to walk here and I spent all of my money on the other bus.'

'You poor dear. Of course, come back behind the bar, you can use our personal one. You look like you could do with a sit down and some grub too. I'll make you up something on a plate.'

'Oh no the phone will be just fine.'

'I insist. Us women have to look out for each other.' The woman smiled.

'Thank you. If it wouldn't be too much bother.' Shelagh followed the woman around the bar

'Of course not love.'

 

'Doctor Turners office, Nurse Franklin speaking.'

'Trixie?' Shelagh frowned confused. Happy as she was to hear from her friend and hopefully soon to be fellow lay nurse hers was not the voice she had hoped or expected. Well at least the Doctor might be out after her.

'Sister Bernadette! How wonderful to hear from you! How are you? Sister Julienne said you were to go to the Mother House! Are you really considering leaving the Order? I thought you were happy with us? Please do say if you leave the Order that you'll stay on Poplar. We'd miss you dreadfully. I'd miss you dreadfully.'

'Trixie please! It's nice to hear you too.' Shelagh grinned briefly. Even if her future with the Doctor spent work out at least she still had her friends. She'd spent so long wanting to be with them and she hoped they would allow her to do so. 'And I am leaving the Order and hope to remain in Poplar. I would miss you all too. But that's not why I'm phoning. Is Doctor Turner there?'

'No sorry. I think he's gone out to see that girlfriend of his.'

'His girlfriend?' Shelagh gasped. Perhaps he had come out after her after all! Perhaps they had just missed each other? Girlfriend seemed a bit strong though. They hadn't even spoken about it yet. Doctor Turners girlfriend...she liked the sounds of it. She'd rather it was wife though.

'Oh did I not mention last month? It's all anyone can talk about! Doctor Turner is dating Emily Baker from the market!'


	3. Chapter 3

'Doctor Turner is dating Emily Baker from the market.'

 

'...'

 

'Sister Bernadette? Are you still there?'

 

'I have to go. Sorry.' She put the phone down absently as if in a trance. The words repeating over and over in her head.

 

Doctor Turner's girlfriend...dating Emily Baker...girlfriend...Emily...girlfriend.

 

"Sweetheart?' The woman appeared behind her. Shelagh continued to stare at the wall shaking. 'Love are you okay?'

 

'No. Not really' She turned slowly and the woman drew her into her arms as she saw the tears pooling in Shelagh's eyes. She began to sob gently into the woman's shoulder.

 

'There there. I'm sure it can't be as bad as all that.'

 

'He has a girlfriend.' Shelagh whispered brokenly, her voice catching on the lump in her throat that seemed to increase with every second. 'What have I done? Did I get it wrong?' Shelagh pulled back, desperately seeking any form of reassurance from the kindly woman she'd met only minutes before.

 

'I don't know what you're talking about but I feel like you need a cup of tea. Come on, sit down and I'll make you one. Okay?' Shelagh nodded as she was directed into a chair. The woman walked out leaving her to her thoughts.

 

I left it too late. He's moved on. I was too indecisive. Did he even get my note? He doesn't love me anymore. I misunderstood his letters. Maybe he never loved me. I'm not going to be his wife. Timothy isn't going to be my son. Doctor Turner won't be the father of my children. Oh but I love him so much. I want to have his babies, I want to wake and see him sleeping beside me, I want the world to know that we belong to each other. But no. And I left the order. I can't go back now. Even without doctor that life isn't for me anymore. But oh what of this was Him telling me I'd made a mistake. No. God wanted this life for me. He wanted me to be Shelagh again, He has a plan, I just misunderstood who he wanted me to be with. That's okay...his plan will become clear. Oh but I so wanted to be Shelagh Turner...Shelagh Turner, it sounded so wonderful

 

'Miss?' The pub lady's voice interrupted her musings.

 

'Shelagh. My name is Shelagh.'

 

'Rebecca. Here you are.'

 

'Thank you.' They sat in silence for a few moments as Shelagh stared forlorn into her cup.

 

'Can I help in any way?'

 

'No. Thank you.'

 

'Do want to talk about it?' Shelagh considered Rebecca. What have I got to lose? She's been so kind to me already.

 

'I thought I had a future with the man I finally allowed myself to accept that I love more than anything. My friend has just told me he's dating another woman. But he wrote to me. I thought he loved me. He would never ask explicitly, he's too respectful for that, but I thought I knew what he wanted. I thought he would accept me if I left my life for him. Oh Rebecca I gave up so much for him. Well I haven't yet but I will, even without him.' She brushed a late tear from her cheek.

 

'What did you give up? Sounds big.'

 

'Look in my suitcase.' Shelagh smiled weakly. Rebecca cocked her head at her confused before nodding and moving over to the far table. Opening the case she gasped.

 

'Is this? Were you-?' Shelagh nodded.

 

'Technically I still am. I was on my way to sign the papers when I got lost. I want to marry the doctor so much, but I took too long to decide. He's moved on. But I've already decided to become Shelagh again and even without him I still want to be. It's what He wants.'

 

'You were a nun...who left for love...but found out he had a girlfriend.'

 

'He wrote what I thought was love letters to me whilst I was recovering from TB in the sanatorium too.' Shelagh smiled weakly.

 

'Blimey.'

 

'Quite. That's why my clothes are out of date. I haven't worn them in 10 years.'

 

'How's about you borrow some of mine, and I'll do your hair all nice and perhaps a little bit of make-up. Show that man what he's missing out on.' Rebecca suggested gently.

 

'Oh I'm not sure. I don't know that I would feel comfortable in such fashions just yet.'

 

'Nothing risqué or over the top I promise. It must feel very strange suddenly being exposed like this and having so many new situations to encounter. But you can stay modest and respectable and modern too.'

 

'I'd like that. Thank you.'

 

'There. How's that?' Rebecca finished up Shelagh's hair and brought her to a mirror. Shelagh stared at herself in shock. Is that really me? I look...pretty. No..I can't think like that. Control yourself Sister...wait...no I can think like that. I can be vain, at least on a small scale...I do look good. She raised a hand to her hair which now lay in loose waves over her shoulders. I always did like my hair...I wonder if the Doctor would like it.

 

'Thank you. Very much. I like it a lot. Golly the nurses are going to have quite the shock when I appear.'

 

'You look beautiful. I know that must make you uncomfortable and I apologize but you are.'

 

'Thank you.' She smiled shyly.

 

'Are you sure you won't stay the night with us? We have many rooms. And you can stay for free so won't worry about that. I do so like you and you've had such a rough day.'

 

'I'm sure. Thank you. I need to face reality. I need to go home and leave the Order and become Nurse Mannion and let the doctor get on with his life. Eventually His plan for me will reveal itself once more.'

 

'Okay. But I insist I drive you back. My David can be left alone here for an hour.'

 

'If it wouldn't be an imposition.'

 

'Of course not. I've become rather attached to you already. I expect regular updates on now you're doing and how your sisters took it and how much that doctors jaw dropped when he saw how pretty you are.'

 

'Deal. Thank you. It's good to know there are people who can accept me as I am now.'

 

'This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.' Rebecca chuckled.

 

'I hope so.'

 

'Let's go find that husband of mine and tell him he has an hour to not burn the place to the ground.' Rebecca chuckled drawing Shelagh back into her arms, this time Shelagh returned it easily, smiling thankfully.


	4. Chapter 4

Patrick ran through the doors of the sanatorium breathlessly. He'd come as quickly as he could, Dolly Smart had taken a turn just as he had made to leave. He couldn't leave her. As much as he longed to find Sister Bernadette and hug her to him and never let go he couldn't. Tim had gotten bored and gone to Jacks house so that was one less thing to worry about. But it had been so long since the phone call. Would she even still be here? Had she listened to him? What if she had waited and thought he wasn't coming and left? Had he blown it?

 

'Excuse me?' A robust nurse appeared behind him. 'Are you alright?'

 

'I'm looking for someone. A friend of mine. She was getting discharged today, earlier today in fact. I told her not to get public transport, I meant to say I'd pick her up but I got held up at work and I'm worried I've missed her.'

 

'No problem sir. What's her name? I'll check the register.'

 

'Sister Bernadette.'

 

'Ah, our international nun of mystery. Sorry, she left an hour or so ago. She went to the bus stop but I think she walked to the wrong one. I tried to follow her and tell her but she'd disappeared. I'm sure she's probably made her way back to her home by now. Though it was odd -she was wearing layman's clothes. I guess those letters of hers must have been even better than I expected.'

 

'You saw her read my letters?'

 

'Oh my. You're Doctor Turner?' She gaped.

 

'You know of me?'

 

'Only through the letters. She didn't read them for a while. But when she did she read them all in one go. Had quite the grin on her face.' She smiled at the massive grin spreading across his face. His face dropped suddenly though.

 

'Wait. She got the wrong bus?'

 

'I think so.'

 

'She could be anywhere! Did she have enough money to get a second one?' He panicked.

 

'I'm not sure. Possibly.'

 

'She could be lost! Wandering around having no idea where she is! Oh god what if something happens to her?' A thousand thoughts began racing through his head.

 

'Calm down! Why don't you use our phone? Call wherever she was going, or see if she phoned wherever you were.'

 

'Thank you.'

 

'Doctor Turner's office Nurse Franklin speaking.'

 

'Ah good. It's Doctor Turner. I have an odd question-I don't suppose Sister Bernadette phoned earlier?'

 

'As a matter if fact she did. Why?'

 

'Did she say where she was?'

 

'No.' Trixie formed confused. 'She hung up rather suddenly after I mentioned about you and Miss Baker.'

 

'Me and Miss Baker? What about us?' He frowned confused.

 

'The fact that you're dating.'

 

'What? You told her I was dating Miss Baker?!' His blood ran cold.

 

'Yes. Doctor Turner what is going on?'

 

'Did she say when she might be back?' He asked desperately, trying to restsrain his anger towards her.

 

'Later on sometime. Where are you?'

 

'When did she phone?'

 

'An hour or so ago.'

 

'Sorry Nurse Franklin I have to go.' He slammed the phone down. Had Nurse Franklin just ruined everything? Had she, in her natural gossipy way, just cost him his future? Did Sister Bernadette believe her good friend? She had every reason to. He'd never explicitly told her how much he loved her, he'd always been careful not to scare her off. Had he gone too far in that endeavour? No. He had said what was necessary. But what did that even mean? Necessary? Had she read the letters and made the decision to leave and that was why she had been smiling whilst reading them? She hadn't been prompted to leave and be his forever more? Only that she came to accept that her life as it was was not what she wanted it to be. That was okay. So long as she was happy. If she decided not to be with him he could survive. He had spent so many months without her he coups spend years doing it surely... no, no he couldn't. It had been hell waiting for her, not knowing anything. And she loved him. After that phone call he was sure of it. She'd just been misled. Oh why couldn't she have just waited for him. They could be in each others arms by now if she had. He wanted her there so much. He just had to make sure she knew that. Knew that explicitly. With direct words and not gestures and hidden comments.

 

'Doctor Turner?'

 

'I have to go. I have to find Sister Bernadette.'

 

'Shelagh.'

 

'Sorry?'

 

'Her name is Shelagh now.'

 

'Shelagh.' He grinned suddenly. It was a delicate name, it suited her. Not that he really knew what she looked like out of the habit. He blushed at the mental image the phrase threw up. Shelagh. He didn't know her surname. He wasn't sure it mattered. Soon, he hoped, she would agree to become Shelagh Turner.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for...well everything-the phone, the clothes, the hair, the make-up, the shoulder to cry on, the advice, the lift. You are a wonderful person.'

 

'My pleasure. Like I said earlier I feel drawn to you for some reason. Now you make sure you keep me updated.'

 

'I will.'

 

'Do you want me to wait around in case something goes wrong? The guest room offer is still open.'

 

'I hope that will not be necessary but if it is I will phone you.'

 

'How about this. I'll visit one of the pubs around here-I know how to handle the rowdy men if they get too friendly. If I haven't heard from you in half an hour I'll go home.'

 

'Thank you.' Shelagh leant forwards and kissed Rebecca on the cheek before getting out of the car and removing her bags.

 

'Good luck. Knock em dead.'

 

Should she knock? Technically this was still her home but she was coming as such a different person with such different dreams. She could oh so easily be turned out on her end by them. They might not allow her to continue on being silly midwife or let her stay here whilst she was still convalescing. She may not be welcome. She wouldn't blame them. She raised her hand to the door but was saved the decision by Sister Julienne who swung the door open with a smile that faltered only slightly as she took in the woman before her.

 

'My dear. Come in out of the cold.'

 

'Thank you.' She walked in and was hit by an influx if memories from the past decade. So many things these walls had seen, young novice Shelagh's introduction to the religious life, stumbling and making mistakes but learning so much, Sister Bernadette growing in confidence in her path and becoming a better midwife with each birth, the slightly older Shelagh Mannion wondering whether Sister Bernadette was right, Shelagh longing to be one of the nurses and actively ignoring the clothes she wore whilst talking to them. And the greatest battle between Shelagh and Sister Bernadette. Doctor Turner and the feelings he evoked in her. Such passionate longing, such terrible pain and anguish. If the walls could talk what would they say? They had watched her grow and change and struggle more than anyone. They had seen her endless praying and sobbing pleads for Him to forgive her for her thoughts and could He help her find the strength of character to move past it all. Would the walls have agreed with her decision. She jumped as Sister Julienne lay a hand on her elbow.

 

'I think we need to talk. I think there's something you need to tell me.' She smiled kindly at her. Shelagh nodded. 'Come through to my office.'

 

'From your attire I take it you have reached a decision.' The nun smiled kindly as she sunk into her seat.

 

'Yes I have. I wish to leave the Order. I want to be Shelagh again.'

 

'I see.'

 

'I'm not ready to leave Nonnatus though. If it wouldn't be too strange and difficult for you to have me here I would like to remain as a nurse and midwife.' Shelagh asked nervously. So far Sister Julienne had been kind and accommodating but this was where things could start to go so horribly, painfully wrong.

 

'Of course you may. Nothing would make me happier. I was worried you may wish to leave us completely in order to be with that young man who was writing to you.'

 

'That's not happening. I misunderstood or I waited too long, he's dating someone else now. It wasn't God's plan for next to be with him.' She explained quietly, eyes dropping to the bag in her hand, the only remnant of her former post-sanatorium clothing she had kept on her person.

 

'Oh my dear I am sorry.'

 

'It's fine.' Shelagh said, biting her lip to subdue the rising agony in her chest.

 

'No it's not. I know how much you love him. That was clear from our talks even if I never did find out who it come here.' Sister Julienne pulled her into a hug. 'Stop biting your lip like that. You'll make it bleed.' She gently moved Shelagh's lip to safety and softly rubbed the red indentation across its flesh.

 

'But the pain stops the other pain being so bad. My heart feels like its about to shatter and I feel so confused and disappointed that I got it so wrong. '

 

'Oh Sis-Shelagh. This will hurt I know. It's going to hurt for a while but He'll show you his path once more. You have taken the first step towards the life he wants for you.'

 

'I know. Thank you.' She kissed the sister in the cheek before pulling back and wiping away the few tears that had escaped, careful not to smudge her newly worn makeup.

 

'These are not the clothes I expected to see you in.'Sister Julienne took her in.

 

'I know. Thank you for sending me the others. They helped me to finalise my decision. I got the wrong bus earlier and had no spare money so I had to walk to a nearby village and beg to use their phone. The woman who worked there was very kind, she let me use their phone, she fed me, she drove me here. She gave me some of her clothes, did my hair, made me up so that if I see my young man I can knock him dead and make him realise what he's missing apparently.' She giggled lightly, pushing away the pain inside her and focusing on the kindness of her new friend instead.

 

'You'll do just that. You look beautiful. Sister Evangelina told me once that she worried extensively when you first joined here, she worried that you were too pretty to be a nun. I did not quite understand what she meant, you were always pretty but I never worried. She saw you before you joined though. She knew your potential. Oh Shelagh this is so strange for me to say to you but you will have men falling at their feet to walk out with you.'

 

'You think?' Shelagh blushed prettily and Sister Julienne was once more struck by her potential as a woman.

 

'I know. Now let's get the formalities done and you can go see everyone. You wish to continue living here?' She asked as they sat back down on either side of the desk.

 

'Yes please.'

 

'Good. We have missed you terribly these past months and I would have a riot on my hands if I let you go again.' Sister Julienne said wryly.

 

'Oh I'm sure that wouldn't happen.'

 

'They were heartbroken when I told them you'd go to Chichester. They were worried you'd never come back.'

 

'No matter what happens I'll always come back. This is my home.'

 

'Yes, it is. Now I'm sorry but I have to ask this. It's procedure. Are you absolutely sure you wish to leave the Order?'

 

'Yes Sister Julienne. I am absolutely sure.'

 

'You understand that if you change your mind you will have to retake parts of your training?'

 

'Yes Sister Julienne.'

 

'You relinquish the rights and responsibilities of Sister Bernadette?'

 

'Yes Sister Julienne.'

 

'Then I need you to sign these papers, and remove your ring.'

 

'Yes Sister Julienne.' Shelagh picked up the pen and scanned the text.

 

'Everything you handed over when you entered the order was placed in trust for your lifetime. Or until such time as you renounced your vows.'

 

'I don't want anything back. I've been given so much.' Shelagh looked up from the page to see tears brimming in her soon to be former Sister's eyes.

 

'This is the procedure. We must follow it even though you are staying here with us. Besides, it can't hurt to be reunited with your old possessions. It may help aid the transition. There's also something in the region of £100 to be returned to you. That will certainly help.'

 

'Quite. Thank you.' She signed the papers and looked at her ring. It would be strange not to wear it, it had been a part of her for so long. Even when she had taken off the habit, when she was in the bath or getting changed, the ring had always stayed on, she had always been tied to Him. But no more. She would simply have to tie herself to Him through her work as a nurse and through prayer. He knew her devotion hadn't changed and so did she. That was what mattered. She slides it off and placed it before them. They stared at it for a moment before looking up at each other and smiling.

 

'I won't pretend I won't miss having you as my Sister but I look forward to getting to know Shelagh better.'

 

'Thank you.'

 

'Come, we'll find the others.'

 

'It's so quiet!' Shelagh marvelled.

 

'Nurse Noakes has gone into labour. Naturally everyone has got involved.' Sister Julienne chuckled.

 

'Oh I wouldn't want to interrupt them then.' Shelagh said demurely, though the excitement in her eyes told the nun exactly where Shelagh wanted to be.

 

'Don't be ridiculous. Come on.'


	6. Chapter 6

 

'Is it safe to come in?' Sister Julienne asked through the door.

 

'Of course.'

 

'Come in sister.' Chummy smiled.

 

'I have someone who wants to see you all.' She held out a hand and pulled a nervous Shelagh into the room.

 

'Sister Bernadette!' Trixie squealed as she flew at the woman and wrapped her in a tight hug. 'Oh I'm so glad to see you.' Smiling sister Julienne withdrew from the room. This was a private matter between Shelagh and the nurses. She wasn't needed. Perhaps she'd better go warn Sister Evangelina and Sister Monica Joan of the developments.

 

'It's good to see you too.' She hugged the other lay nurses before turning to Chummy, propped against the far wall.

 

'Long time no see.' They smiled.

 

'I'd hug you but I'm not sure I could fit around the bump.' Shelagh giggled.

 

'Later?'

 

'Definitely.'

 

'You've left the order then?' Jenny asked as Shelagh sat on the edge of the bed.

 

'I have. But I'm still going to be a nurse and midwife here.'

 

'Thank goodness.' Cynthia smiled. 'We were so worried we'd lose you.'

 

'What do we call you then? I assume Bernadette isn't your real name?'

 

'Uh no. It isn't. Shelagh Mannion is my real name.'

 

'Shelagh. Not would I have guessed.'

 

'What did you expect?' Shelagh laughed as Trixie blushed, realizing how her words could have sounded.

 

'I don't know. Something more Scottish perhaps.'

 

'It's spelled the Scottish way if it's any consolation.'

 

'The Scottish way?' Cynthia looked confused.

 

'S. H. E. L. A. G. H.'

 

'Ah. Again not what I would have guessed.'

 

'What do you think then?' She asked nervously.

 

'About your name or you overall?'

 

'All of it.'

 

'I love the name, it's really very pretty and it suits you. And I think you're absolutely stunning. I had no idea you were so beautiful under that wimple. Your hair is gorgeous. Such a lovely colour. And your figure! You've been holding out on us, that habit does nothing for it. Where did you get these clothes from? I expected you to turn up in the same clothes you wore before you became a nun. I saw Sister Evangelina washing them. They smelt damp apparently.'

 

'Well, there's quite a tale there.' She recounted her adventure and meeting of Rebecca, neglecting to mention the more romantic, heartbroken moments of it, only stopping twice to help Chummy through her contractions.'

 

'Wow. You've had an eventful day.'

 

'Aye. Not as exciting as Chummy's is going to be though.'

 

'I'll get excited when it stops hurting so much and the little bean is in arms. ' Chummy winced.

 

'Oh dear. It'll soon be over.'

 

'You never know, you may well be the next one in this position Shelagh.' Shelagh blushed heavily, ducking her head to damp down the ache that pierced her throat once more.

 

'Trixie!' Jenny and Cynthia admonished.

 

'Sorry Shelagh. That was rather blunt wasn't it?'

 

'Don't worry about it. But I've only not been a nun 15 minutes. Give me a bit more time to get used to it all and get to know myself a bit better.'

 

'Of course. I cannot wait to get to know you better as Shelagh.'

 

'We always wanted to invite you to join in with us when we were doing things and I got the impression, especially in the last year or so that you wanted to join in too.' Cynthia said tentatively

 

'I did. I came to want it very much.' Shelagh admitted. She'd already lost one potential future dream, she couldn't bear to lose the nurses as her close friends dream too. She had to be honest. Honest about this at least, she still wasn't prepared to tell them about Doctor Turner. Maybe one day, months or years into the future when it was no longer so unbearable and apinful to think about, when she perhaps had a husband and children, when she had found an even greater joy she could. And if this all-encompassing love was not her destiny then who knew what God given love would feel like. 'I would find myself wishing I could take off my habit, slip on one of those beautiful dresses of yours, style my hair like you, drink in your rooms and go out dancing with you. Sometimes I would stand outside your doors as you socialised and find myself crying. Once when you went out, actually it was when you all went dancing with PC Noakes because Chummy didn't want to go alone just after they'd started courting, I watched you leave and went to my room. I took off my wimple and just stared at myself for nearly 20 minutes just imagining what it would be like, questioning whether I had made the right decision in becoming Sister Bernadette, questioned if I was missing out on life. That was the first time I truly doubted my choice. I felt so guilty that night that I ended up crying in the chapel begging God to forgive me. But it only got worse and worse

 

'Well, now to can join us. And we'll make you sick of us.'

 

'I highly doubt that is possible.'

 


	7. Chapter 7

There came a loud bang as the front door crashed open.

 

'Doctor Turner?' Sister Julienne cried out as the man burst into the room. Shelagh jumped but kept her gaze straight ahead facing the fireplace.

 

'Forgive me Sister. I wondered if I might be able to speak with...uh...with Shelagh.' He stumbled over his words, unsure of which name to refer to her as.

 

'How did you know my name?' Shelagh tilted her head so she was turned towards him but kept her gaze fiercely on the patchwork blanket before her. Now was not the time to have her heart broken in person. Chummy had taken a drastic downturn suddenly, had haemorrhaged and was currently in theatre. Peter had gone with her of course but there had only been space for one on the ambulance. Had she not been so terrified Shelagh would have smiled at sister Evangelina's care and concern for the tall nurse. Pretend as she may the nun had a heart of gold. They were all crammed into the living room waiting for news, any news that meant their friend was well. They were currently knitting squares to make a blanket for the baby. They needed something to do. They were desperate for any distractions from the anxious silence. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the Doctor turn towards her.

 

'May I please speak with you in private?'

 

'Doctor?' She shifted awkwardly in her seat. She couldn't face him, couldn't bear to hear his words, couldn't bear to hear his laughter at her misunderstanding of his intentions. It was terrible. She could finally allow herself to look at him, could meet his eyes and not have to shield her love and adoration for him. But he didn't love her. He was with Miss Baker. It wasn't her place. Her place was here, in Nonnatus House as Nurse Mannion. A friend to many but love of none.

 

'Please.' Everyone was startled to hear the desperation in his voice. Sister Evangelina cleared her throat.

 

'Doctor we're rather in the middle of something here. Nurse No-'

 

'I'm not dating Miss Baker.' Patrick cut her off, barely even registering the nuns voice, his attention solely on the beautiful blonde who still refused to look at him.

 

'I'm sorry?' Shelagh gasped.

 

'How could I when I've fallen so hopelessly head over heels in love with you.' The Nonnatuns gasped.

 

'Doctor?' Shelagh finally dared a glance up at the man she loved. Seeing the desperation and distress in his eyes, second only to the love she saw in them, she felt the breath leave her body.

 

'I love you and I think you love me too. I can think of no other explanation for what has been going on between us these past six or seven months. After our phone call earlier today I am sure of it. You said that you were living the wrong life but in the right place. I love you Shelagh and I want to be with you. I want you to live the right life by my side. I have no idea where this Miss Baker rumour came from though I do know how it made its way to you.' He briefly glared at a half fascinated, half horrified looking Trixie. 'Please believe me Shelagh. I love you.' Silently Shelagh put her blanket squares aside and rose to face him. Slowly she walked over to him, staring hard at his face, trying to discern the level to which he was telling the truth. Everyone held their breath, transfixed by the bizarre turn of events unfolding before them, all aware that for the time being they had been forgotten. She stopped before him.


	8. Chapter 8

_Silently Shelagh put her blanket squares aside and rose to face him. Slowly she walked over to him, staring hard at his face, trying to discern the level to which he was telling the truth. Everyone held their breath, transfixed by the bizarre turn of events unfolding before them, all aware that for the time being they had been forgotten. She stopped before him._

She grinned and threw herself into his arms. He wrapped them around her tightly and clutched her to him. They were vaguely aware of the high-pitched squeal of excitement emanating from Trixie, but both only had a care for the person wrapped around them. With a euphoric laugh he picked Shelagh off of the floor and spun her around. She giggled before being placed back down. Pulling back from him slightly she beamed at him, joy radiating from every pore, tears of happiness pouring down her face as she stared deep into his eyes.

 

'I do. I do believe you. I do love you Doctor Turner.'

 

'Patrick.' He murdered raising a hand to move a lock of golden hair from her face. His hand slipped down to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing the tears away. 'My name is Patrick.'

 

'Patrick.' She glowed. 'I love you Patrick.' She slipped her hands over his shoulders and around the back of his neck. Slowly she raised up on her tiptoes until their lips were a hairsbreadth apart. 'I love you.' She breathed before closing the gap. She kissed him slowly, carefully, smiling against his lips as he returned her every caress. Oh how could she have ever doubted him? How could she have ever thought this wasn't her destiny? God had had this plan for her after all, this wonderful opportunity and she had nearly allowed it to slip through her fingers. She had kissed a few boys as a teen, even had a semi-serious boyfriend for a few months when she was 19 but it had been nothing, oh nothing, like this. None of those kisses had filled her with such joy, with peace and a sense of completion. This, this wondrous experience, was what her life was about now. She was loved and she loved back fiercely. This is what God wanted for her, what she wanted for her. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy. She had Patrick, she would marry him if she got her way, she would be a mother to the boy she loved so dearly, she would have children of her own. She would be Nurse Turner. Suddenly she remembered the audience and pulled back blushing slightly. She smiled up at him shyly. He grinned before straightening and clearing his throat awkwardly. They took in the sea of faces.

 

'Uh...'

 

'Is this why you decided to leave the order?' Sister Evangelina asked stonily. The pair gulped. Out of everyone gathered here Sister Evangelina was the most likely to disapprove. Shelagh stood tall and slipped her hand into Patrick's, interlocking her fingers with his, tethering herself to him. He squeezed it, no matter what was about to happen he was there for her, he would stand beside her.

 

'Not exactly. What I said earlier still stands. I had been struggling for a while with my life as a nun, I wanted things I couldn't have as Sister Bernadette, yes including Doct-Patrick, but not just him. I still left even though I thought I couldn't be with him. God's plan for me still included me walking that path.'

 

'Well I may not understand it but I haven't seen you smile like that since you joined us all those years ago. I guess it can't be all bad. We must trust in you and in His plan.' She conceded smiling.

 

'Thank you.' Shelagh beamed, unprepared to hear such kind words from the one woman she'd dreaded the reaction of for days.

 

'What is going on in here anyway?' Patrick asked frowning as he surveyed the mass of knitting blanketing the people and furniture he was so familiar with.

 

'Chummy went into labour. She haemorrhaged twice. She's in theatre in the hospital.' Shelagh explained sadly.

 

'Oh no! How much have you heard?' He gasped clutching Shelagh back to him. Despite the situation and the drama she couldn't help but let out a sigh of happiness into his chest.

 

'Not much. We're currently relying on PC Noakes for news but as you can imagine he's rather preoccupied.'

 

'Of course. Poor man. Maybe I can use my contacts there to find out something?'

 

'That would be greatly appreciated Doctor.'

 

'My love you're going to have to let go of me.' She beamed up at him at the endearment before looking confused. He gestured to his jumper where she realised she'd taken the material in a death grip.

 

'Oh. Sorry.' She took a step back blushing prettily, staring up at him with a delighted yet pained smile. It was all he could do not to draw her back into his embrace but he forced himself to turn from the room with a final fleeting smile at her. Shelagh stood there a moment taking in the developments of the past few minutes. She took a deep breath, partially to calm herself down before she let out an embarrassing noise of joy and partially to steel herself for facing the rest of the room. Slowly she turned to look at them.


	9. Chapter 9

Trixie walked up to her, tears in her eyes.

 

'Shelagh I am so sorry. You left your life behind to be with him and the first thing I do is incorrectly gossip to you that he's courting another woman.'

 

'It's okay. It made me certain in my choice. I knew that I still wanted to leave the order. You helped make the path forward even clearer.'

 

'But that must have hurt. Oh no and then we made jokes about you finding a fella and getting married and having kids.' Trixie realised horrified. 'That's why you ran out. It wasn't residual nausea from the treatment was it?'

 

'Uh no. It wasn't.' Shelagh shifted awkwardly.

 

'You were crying?'

 

'Yes.'

 

'Oh Shelagh.' The other nurses joined Trixie in hugging Shelagh tightly and apologising for their thoughtless words. She hugged them back, reassuring them that it honestly was fine. That she was just glad she was in a position where they could make the jokes. They pulled back and Shelagh saw tears pooling in Sister Julienne's eyes.

 

'Sister?'

 

'I am so glad this has been resolved. It broke my heart when you started crying in my office earlier. Though I will admit I never expected that your young man was in fact Doctor Turner! That isn't scorn.' She amended seeing Shelagh's face fall. 'Far from it. He is a good man, quite possibly the best one I know. He'll treat you right. Oh my dear, I'm so very happy for you.' Sister Julienne hugged her. Suddenly Shelagh was hit by a fierce wall of happiness. All being well with Chummy she could have the life she wanted, with the family who refused to turn their backs on her, the boy who would soon hopefully become her stepson and the man she loved as her husband. She let a few rogue tears of joy soak into the nuns shoulder before turning to face them all.

 

'Thank you. All of you thank you. So much. I couldn't have dreamt of a better return home. You've all been so accepting.'

 

'Yes well if we learn one thing from Nurse Noakes' hospitalisation it should be that anything can happen. Life's too unpredictable to hold grudges against those you care about.' Sister Evangelina smiled. Patrick strode back in.

 

'Well?'

 

'Any news?'

 

'How is she?'

 

'She's going to be alright. She's had the baby. It's a boy. Mother and baby both doing fine. They'll both just be marvellous.'

 

'Oh thank the Lord.' Everyone let out an audible sigh of relief. Many hugs were exchanged and good cheer was abundant.

 

'I think this calls for celebratory Horlicks then bed for us all don't you?' Sister Evangelina announced. There were cheers of agreement. 'Doctor would you care for a cup? Or something stronger?'

 

'Thank you but no. I've somewhat abandoned Timothy at Jack Smith's house and it's about time I relieved his parents. He's been there hours longer than I said. I had something important to attend to you see.' He smiled across the room are Shelagh, once more ensconced in Sister Julienne's arms. She blushed.

 

'I'll walk you out to your car ' She offered ignoring Trixie's giggle.

 

'Thank you.' Silently they walked out of the front door. 'Oh Patrick. What a day it's been.'

 

'The best day of my life since Tim was born for sure. Even if it was only the past 15 minutes that made it so.' He stopped dead and took her hand in his. He raised it to his mouth and lay the lightest of kisses to her palm, unreasonably glad to see the bump of her scar. Seeing her shiver at the action he removed his coat and slipped it around her shoulders, holding the collar up either side of her face.' I don't know where the rumour came from. I haven't even thought of another woman that way since I realised you were my every thought. I love you so very much Shelagh. I will never tire of saying that.' He smiled down soppily at her

 

'I love you too Patrick. My Patrick.'

 

'My Shelagh. You're so beautiful my love. I never imagined just how stunning you would be. I knew you were naturally pretty, with those eyes and those cheekbones and those delicate lips how could you not be considered so. But I never dreamt you would be so very beautiful.'

 

'I did it all for you. I made a friend and she made me over. Told me to knock your socks off and show you what you were missing. Oh my is she going to be surprised when I tell her what happened.' She giggled

 

'You made a friend?'

 

'It's a long story. We need to have a long chat you and I.' She beamed at the thought of spending more time with the man who was finally hers.

 

'Indeed we do. But not right now. You've spent enough time outside. You're still recovering. Tomorrow morning I should be free to come around.'

 

'I look forward to it already. Oh but I don't want to part in case this was all a dream.' She admitted.

 

'I know how you feel. I could pinch you if you want.'

 

'I'd rather you...' she broke off, her blush just visible in the half-light from the convent. The adrenaline of the situation beginning to fade she found her earlier bravado dropping in the face of reality.

 

'Rather I what?'

 

'Never mind.'

 

'My love? Daring what is it you want me to do? I would do anything for you.'

 

'I'd rather you kissed me.' She grinned, emboldened by his words.

 

'I'm sure I can manage that.' He smirked and lowered his head to hers and kissed her sweetly. His hands slid from the coat collar to cradle the back of her head, angling it slightly so he could deepen the kiss.

 

'Yes yes this is all very nice I'm sure but your Horlicks will get cold if you don't get a hurry on.' Sister Evangelina chuckled from the top of the stairs. Shelagh giggled, burrowing her face in his jumper.

 

'This is going to be a strange life isn't it.' She said muffled.

 

'Indeed.'

 

'Goodnight.' She shrugged the coat off, kissed him briefly and scurried up the stairs, planting a big kiss on the startled nuns cheek.


	10. Chapter 10

'Hello Patrick.' She smiled as she opened the door to him

 

'Hello Shelagh.' He smiled back at her. The residents of Nonnatus House had gone to visit Chummy in the hospital, no births were scheduled for the morning so they had all left except Shelagh who had been deemed too fragile, too at risk, to visit the hospital. She had phoned Patrick and he had agreed to come around so they could finally have the much-needed talk, the talk they had been building towards for many months now. Even now, over 12 hours since the dramatic events that had unfolded between them, neither could believe they were finally in a position to have this talk. They stared at each other in awe. He cleared his throat.

 

'Can I come in?'

 

'Oh. Right. Yes of course. Come on in.' She stepped aside blushing deeply. They walked through to the sitting room. 'Would you like a cup of tea?

 

'Please.' She hurried through to the kitchen and grasped the counter. Why was she suddenly so nervous? There was no question anymore of where they stood with each other. They loved each other. They wanted to be together. So why did she feel so queasy? Was she having second thoughts? No. If there was one thing she was sure of it was that she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. And what a different life it would be from the life she had thought she would live for so long. Gone was the ambitions of Sister Bernadette, no longer would she be able to take over the running of Nonnatus House and be the Sister-In-Charge, no longer would she be able to dedicate her life solely to Him. Now there were two new hims in her life. And oh how she loved them both. She may have lost prestigious nun status, she may have scuppered Sister Julienne's post-retirement plans but she had gained so much. Her new men already meant so much to her and they would only continue to grow in her heart. But it was so different from what she knew. What is she messed up? What if she couldn't be as good a wife, for she was sure that was the endgame of this pursuit, as Marie had been. What if she failed as a stepmother? What if she was too harsh on Tim and he came to resent her or she was too lenient and Tim became bad and Patrick blamed her? Her life so far had made her woefully under prepared for this new path.

 

'Shelagh?' Patrick appeared in the doorway behind her. She spun around. 'Are you okay?'

 

'I'm fine.' She smiled strainedly at him.

 

'You've been staring at the kettle for three minutes.'

 

'Have I?' She blushed

 

'Yes. What's wrong?' He took a few hesitant steps towards her, careful not to spook her by lunging towards her and wrapping her in his arms and crushing her to him as he so dearly wished to do. She had been a nun, he reminded himself, yesterdays overt affection may have stemmed more from her relief at his words and the stress of Nurse Noakes' hospitalisation than from her natural affectionateness.

 

'Nothing. Honestly.' She smiled tightly though he could see the trouble brewing behind her gaze.

 

'Are you having second thoughts?' Her face struck horrified at his question. She lurched forwards to stand feet from him. She stared up at him imploringly as she responded.

 

'No! Absolutely not. I couldn't be more certain. You?'

 

'I am completely certain.'

 

'Good.'

 

'Come here.' He stretched out his arms and she fell into them once more. He dropped a kiss into her hair. 'My darling what is it? What troubles you? I only want to be able to help you.

 

'It's just so overwhelming. I was a nun and now I'm here with you. I've never been happier, I love you so much, but yesterday I woke up as sister Bernadette then I was Shelagh walking to a future with you then you never appeared and I was Shelagh whose future was unknown then Shelagh who was heartbroken and then I was finally in your arms and it just... I can't quite believe this is real.'

 

'Oh my love I'm sorry. We can take this as slowly as you want. I want you to be comfortable.'

 

'I am comfortable, I'm just nervous. I don't want to mess this up. And I don't want this to go at any particular speed. I want it to happen as it happens. I know I'm not about to change my mind and I hope you aren't either.'

 

'Never.'

 

'And we can't hide it from the others. You professing your undying love for me and then me kissing you in front of them was a bit too noticeable for that.'

 

'Just a little bit maybe.' They laughed. 'Now let's make that cup of tea and have a talk.'

 

'Okay.'


	11. Chapter 11

'So. We're finally here.' He smiled as they settled on the settee. Tentatively she leant into him and he gently rested his arm over her shoulders.

 

'Indeed. We took our time didn't we. And it's all down to you. Thank you for being brave enough to make me realise how desperately in love with you I am. When you kissed me in the hall kitchen...' She broke off, smiling at the memory as he winced.

 

'I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry.'

 

'Don't be. It was necessary for the path we've been put on. The memory of it brought me great comfort at times when I was in the Sanatorium. Particularly this last week. That was the first time I realised I was in love with you. I'd been having... feelings towards you for a while, since before Christmas but I didn't face up to them until our eyes met over the spirit lamps. I still didn't realise what they were however until that moment when everything became so clear. Do you remember that? The spirit lamps I mean?'

 

'Of course I remember. That was when I realised I wasn't alone in this. That you felt something too. That I wasn't imagining the connection between us.'

 

'When did you realise you loved me?' She asked timidly, resting her head against his shoulder.

 

'When we were delivering the Carter twins Jr. When the second girl wasn't breathing and you brought her to life with your bare hands. I'd always respected you but I remember looking up at you and thinking 'I love that woman' which came as rather a surprise given I hadn't really realised I had even vague feelings for you. It was only after that that I began to truly see you as the woman you were beneath the habit even though I tried valiantly to fight it. Starting with that cigarette we shared. God help me you were so attractive smoking.'

 

'It was a very good cigarette.' She mused. 'What made you write to me? I'm so very glad you did but why did you suddenly decide to?'

 

'Having to examine you, having to diagnose you with TB was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I loved you so much even then. The thought of losing you, the thought of you...' He broke off, unable to continue on as a lump came to his throat at the thought.

 

'The thought of me dying?' He nodded.

 

'Yes. The thought of... that... happening without me fighting for you, without me at least trying to let you know how adored you were was unbearable. I never expected to be successful, I never dreamed you would actually ever leave the Order to be with me. That's why I never explicitly told you how I felt in them. If, more likely when, you rejected me it would be easier to salvage any scraps of friendship you were willing to give me afterwards.' Her heart broke at his words. In all of her worries she had never stopped to think that he may have been suffering too.

 

'They were beautiful letters. I'm not sure that I would have chosen to leave the order without them. Even before I read them they helped me to decide. Just seeing them piling up in the box reminded me that there was a chance someone out there loved me and would be there for me if I left. I didn't read them for a good while. I wanted to make sure I wasn't swayed towards a choice by them. It wasn't until I was prepared to consider leaving the order, until I was ready to face the fact that that this could be God's plan for me that I read them and let myself reflect upon my life as it was and the life I ached for. I realised that I could no more continue on as I was.'

 

'Oh Shelagh.'

 

'So I told Sister Julienne that I wasn't sure where I belonged anymore. She suggested I go to Chichester to think everything over but I knew I would come home to you. So I phoned you.' They smiled as they remembered the call that had started their already tumultuous relationship. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the tough part of the conversation. 'I was so sure you would come. I thought you said you would come. I waited for you.' She admitted frowning. Surreptitiously she brushed a lone year from her cheek. He noticed however and his heart broke. How could he have ever hurt her? She was so beautiful, so kind so wise, and he had made her cry. He had broken her heart. Well no more, he vowed. From this day onwards, and every day after that he would make sure he knew how loved she was.

 

'I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I tried to come as quickly as I could. I truly did. I left Dolly Smart in Nurse Noakes' hands but she took a downturn. I couldn't leave, I wanted nothing more than to run straight to you and take you into my arms and never let go. But I couldn't leave her, I just couldn't. I'm sorry.'

 

'I understand darling. It's okay. I'd never want to get between you and your work. It was your dedication to your work that endeared you to me in the first place. I knew you'd have a good reason.' She smiled, relieved. He had tried to come for her after all. Even though she had known he loved her she had lain awake for several hours trying to work out why he hadn't come for her.

 

'I did make it to the sanatorium but the nurse said you'd left already, she thought you had gotten on the wrong bus. I phoned the surgery and Nurse Franklin said you'd phoned her and were on your way back here but didn't say how. I ended up scouring the countryside for you, I tried various nearby towns but no-one knew anything. I was so scared that Nurse Franklin's gossiping had caused you to run away completely.'

 

'I did get the wrong bus it's true. I didn't realise for a while and didn't get off until I was quite far off track. I didn't have any money left so I walked to the nearest village, it must have been further than you looked or Rebecca's husband didn't know enough to help.'

 

'Rebecca?' He frowned confused.

 

'I'm getting to her now. Have some patience.'

 

'Sorry.'

 

'As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted, I walked to a village and stepped into a pub with the aim of using their telephone. I was lucky. The woman behind the bar, Rebecca, was so kind to me. She let me use it, she gave me some food. She gave me more modern clothes, styled my hair, made me over slightly.'

 

'The one who told you to knock my socks off?'

 

'Yes. Well remembered. It's good to know you're listening.' She chuckled.

 

'You succeeded.' Patrick grinned raising up his trousers leg to reveal his bare feet in his shoes. She gaped at him for a moment before bursting into fits of laughter. He watched her, transfixed by the way her nose crinkled with the laughter, the way her eyes lit up with joy and mirth, the way her laugh was nowhere near as ladylike as he had expected. The snort that followed was without doubt the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Her hand flew to her mouth with a blush as she realised what she'd just done. He smirked and pulled her hand away from her mouth.

 

'I'm sorry. That wasn't very lovely of me.'

 

'That was beautiful. I shall endeavour to make you make that noise every single day from now on. You deserve to have laughter in your life.'

 

'Wait, you liked my laugh snort?' She gaped.

 

'I fell in love with you all over again when I heard it.' She stared at him stunned. 'It was truly beautiful. Just like you my love.' She leant forwards and kissed him sweetly.

 

'I've spent my entire life trying to hide it and I go and fall in love with a man who loves it. The boy I dated when I was 19 hated it. He claimed that's why he had to break up with me.' She revealed sadly. Though the breakup had been well over a decade ago, and a whole other life it seemed, James had been her first proper boyfriend and she had trusted him only to be attacked in a vicious verbal attack one day out of the blue. It still hurt.

 

'Then he is a blind fool.'

 

'Thank you. You don't mind that I had a boyfriend when I was 19 do you? And that I've kissed a few other boys when I was a girl?'

 

'Of course not. You weren't born a nun and you're a strikingly beautiful woman. I assumed that you must have been the target of many a young man's affections. If anything I'm surprised you only had the one boyfriend.'

 

'Not that many suitors but I was certainly uh... I wasn't ignored.' She blushed deeply though she couldn't quite bring herself to be ashamed. They were practice, she decided, for this new life she was to lead.

 

'And besides I was married before. It would be hypocritical of me to complain. So long as you don't plan to kiss anyone else we're fine.'

 

'I don't. Just so long as you don't either.' She marveled at the fact she could promise herself to him, and he to her, without worry or retribution. Though we're not yet engaged they both knew it was only a matter of time. They would be married. So they could make such claims after so little time together. And she loved it.

 

'Never.'

 

'Pinky swear? Don't look at me like that we do it all the time.' She laughed in response to the incredulous look that settled over his face. 'Well not we anymore. The nuns and I.' She corrected. That would take some getting used to for sure. Though they would always be her Sisters and she hoped they felt the same about her.

 

'You're telling me Sister Evangelina pinky swears?' He grinned. She nodded.

 

'It was her idea. Don't tell her I told you. So pinky swear?'

 

'Go on then.' He chuckled linking his little finger with her proffered one. 'I pinky swear never to kiss another woman due to the fact that I am hopelessly, passionately, madly, irrevocably, head over heels in love with you.'

 

'And I pinky swear not to kiss another man because I guess you're sort of handsome.' She giggled.

 

'I love you.' He grinned. 'Actually I would like to make an amendment to mine.'

 

'Oh dear.' She cocked an eyebrow at him.

 

'No it's good. I pinky swear to never kiss another woman for the rest of my life, unless that woman is our daughter.'

 

'Oh Patrick.' She beamed tears filling her eyes. 'I'll allow that.'

 

'The statement or the reality?'

 

'Both my love. Both.' She kissed him again. 'So... Emily Baker?'

 

'I'm definitely not going to kiss her.' He reassured her.

 

'That's not what I meant and you know it.' She hit his shoulder playfully before settling back against it.

 

'She was very good friends with Marie and by extension me. She's Timothy's godmother. We avoided each other after Marie's death because it was too painful, there were too many memories associated with each other. As we started to come to terms with her death we began to get closer again. I was so lost, so confused by my feelings for you, so terrified I would lose you too and she sensed that. She understood. She was the only person I could talk to about all of this. She was unreasonably understanding. I'm very grateful to her. Without Emily I'm not sure I wouldn't have drowned in sorrow. We got quite close again and I guess that must have been where all the rumours stemmed from.' He mused sadly. Emily had been shocked when he had broken down and confessed to his love for the nun that was so beloved by the entire community but had picked her jaw off of the floor as she realised how desperately troubled he was. Shelagh took this in silently, mulling things over in her head before speaking.

 

'Oh. And to think I hated her when she was helping you. But why didn't you say this yesterday when I asked?'

 

'My head was scrambled. All I could concentrate on you and making sure that you knew how much I loved you and then Nurse Noakes. Besides I didn't think half way through professing my undying love for you was a good time to bring up my dead wife.'

 

'I suppose not.' She giggled. He smiled before pulling back to look her seriously in the face.

 

'Though I want to make one thing absolutely clear and I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but it needs saying. I still love Marie, I always will do.' She took his hand in hers and raised it to her lips, her eyes never leaving his.

 

'I know. I'd be more upset if you didn't.'

 

'You would?' He was shocked.

 

'Patrick I will love you to the day I die and every day after that. I hope you feel the same way about me.'

 

'I do.'

 

'I wouldn't want you to stop loving me just because I was dead. And I don't want you to stop loving Marie just because she's with Him now. That would devalue your marriage. The two of you were together for so many years and have a child together.'

 

'Thank you. For being so understanding. Not everyone would be.'

 

'You've made an excellent choice of girlfriend Doctor Turner.'

 

'Why yes Miss-uh.' He froze realising he didn't actually know this key piece of information about her.

 

''Mannion.' She supplied chuckling.

 

'Well then-why yes Miss Mannion, I do believe I have.'


	12. Chapter 12

'Well. Here we are.' Shelagh turned to the man sat beside her.

'The Lamb and Flag. It looks nice.'

'Come on. I want to see Rebecca.'

'You've become very attached to her haven't you.'

'She was all I had for a short while. Now move. I'll go in first, talk to her. You find a table and I'll either come get you or bring her to you.' She squeezed his hand before making to exit the car. Patrick dashed out and round to open her door for her. She blushed.

 

'Shelagh!' Rebecca cried surging forwards from behind the bar. She pulled her blonde friend into a tight hug. 'How was it? How did it go? Did you see him? We're his socks knocked off? Did you get your revenge? What about that other woman, did you slap her?' She pulled Shelagh into the nearest chair, ignoring the angry faces and grumblings coming from the queue of customers she had been serving.

'Calm down! Too many questions at once!' Shelagh smiled. 'When I went into Nonnatus House I was greeted by Sister Julienne. I told her of my intentions. She was very understanding. She let me continue on as a nurse there. I saw the other nurses, they were ecstatic to see me. They were so glad that I was alright and that I could be one of them and join them in their fun from now on. It went far better than I expected.' Rebecca considered the woman sat before her. Less than 24 hours ago she had been so broken. But now she was glowing.

'That's fantastic. I'm so happy for you. But what about him?'

'Well. We were all sitting in the living room later in the evening when suddenly he burst in to the room. He didn't even knock. He ran up to me and asked if he could speak with me in private but I said no. I'd already had my heart broken enough for one day, I didn't need it breaking again in person. Sister Evangelina tried to get him to leave. She could tell I was uncomfortable. That's when he told me, I'm front of everyone gathered there, thqat he was not in fact dating Emily Baker and could never do so because he was so hopelessly head over heels on love with me.'

'Oh my.' Rebecca took Shelagh's hands in hers and gripped them tightly, fighting the urge to squeal.

'Quite. I wish I'd been paying more attention to everyone else's faces, I'd imagine they would be rather amusing.'

'Quite. What happened?'

'Well after hearing that... I kissed him.' Shelagh blushed, ducking her head to shield the fierce grin that overtook her face at the words.

'You did?!'

'After hearing profess his undying love to me you bet I did.' Shelagh looked up beaming.

'I can imagine.'

'A few things happened after that that led to us not being able to talk properly but we did this morning. Oh Rebecca I am so happy.'

'I'm so glad. What did he think of you then? Did we do a good job of knocking his socks off?'

'Oh yes. Quite. He is currently not wearing any socks. Claims I definitely knocked them off. I do not know whether he didn't put any on at all this morning or if they're in his pocket but I love him more either way. He came with me actually. Would you like to meet him?'

'Of course. He's caused quite the commotion already, I have to make sure he's worth it.'

'He is Rebecca. He really is.' They walked over to Patrick's table. He jumped up. 'Darling this is Rebecca. Rebecca, this is Patrick.'

'Very nice to meet you.' He stuck out his hand to shake hers.

'Oh yes.' Rebecca grinned looking him over. 'You'll do very nicely indeed.'

'Uh Shelagh?' He turned to his love confused.

'She wanted to make sure you were worth all the fuss and tears. I think you passed.'

'Oh yes. Very handsome. Good job Shelagh.' The ladies laughed as Patrick turned red.

'Yes... well.. Uh...anyway.' Patrick faltered. 'Thank you for looking after Shelagh yesterday. It breaks my heart that she was led to believe I didn't love her beyond words, but it could have been so much worse if you hadn't have been there for her.'

'My pleasure. She's a lovely girl.'

'I am here you know.' Shelagh pouted. Patrick stopped dead, transfixed by the beauty of such a simple action. As Sister Bernadette she was never allowed to act such. Bit Shelagh, his Shelagh, was free to sulk as much as she wanted.

'Good point. Go to the bathroom or something so we have a good gossip about you.' Shelagh gaped at her for a second.

'Alright. But only because I actually do need to go powder my nose.'

'Bye love.'

 

'So. What happened yesterday? What's really going on with that other woman?' Briefly Patrick explained Emily Baker to her and she smiled. 'Quite the misunderstanding you had there.'

'Indeed. And it nearly cost me a wife.'

'You're engaged?' Rebecca cried happily, sleeping her hands in excitement.

'Shh. No, not yet. I'm going to go to the nuns later today and ask for their permission. I hope to ask her tomorrow.'

'Oh how lovely.'

'I need to speak with my son too though I cannot imagine him being anything other than thrilled.'

'Ah young Timothy. Your Shelagh was telling me all about him. She desperately wanted to be his stepmother, she was almost more distressed about losing him than she was you. She seems to love him very much.'

'That is a great relief to hear. And I suppose I should really talk to Emily. Make sure she's okay with it.'

'Okay with what?' Shelagh sat back down next to him.

'Us. How fantastically in love with you I am. She may have been one of my biggest supporters in East theoretical but its very different when it's a reality. She was Marie's best friend after all.'

'That sees fair.'

'Though I assure you even if she doesn't approve I will still love you.' He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him, dropping a kiss to the crown of her head.

'And I you.'


	13. Chapter 13

'Patrick! How lovely to see you! Come on in.' Emily Baker swung open her from door to see her dear friend standing before her, a smile wider than she had seen in many years across his face.

 

'Actually Em I'm not alone today.' He helped out a hand and pulled Shelagh to him into Emily's line of sight. She gaped gazing between Patrick and the blonde woman she was so sure was Sister Bernadette. A smile spread across her face.

'Well... I think you'd both better come in then. I'm Emily Baker.' She extended a hand to the blonde.

'Shelagh Mannion. Thank you.' They walked in, Patrick helped Shelagh off with her coat before striding through to the living room as if it were second nature. Briefly Shelagh wondered quite how much time the man she loved had spent with this widow he was apparently such good friends with. The not long gone flicker of jealousy appeared once more in her belly but she dismissed it. Patrick loved her. He'd explained how he had no interest in the beautiful woman beside her.

'Sit down sit down. Would you like a cup of tea Miss Mannion?'

'Yes please. And please... call me Shelagh.'

'Then you must call me Emily. I'll just be a moment.' Emily walked out.

'She seems nice.'

'She is. But you have nothing to worry about-yes I saw that moment of jealousy.' He chuckled.

'Sorry. I do trust you. But she's very beautiful.'

'Not as beautiful as you my love.' He raised her hand to kiss her knuckles. She smiled.

'Thank you. You seem very familiar to here.' She said bringing their hands down between them.

'As I said she and Marie were best friends. I spent many hours with Tim in here trying to amuse ourselves as the women cackled away.'

'Ah.' Emily walked back in with a tray of drinks and smiled at the pair sat so close together, hands entwined.

'Looks like you two have a rather interesting story to tell. You finally got your girl Patrick. Congratulations.'

'Thank you.'

'So. Tell me everything.' She grinned

 

Many minutes later the pair finished up their tale beaming at each other.

'I am so sorry Shelagh.' Emily frowned. 'I never wanted to get in between the two of you. I can't imagine how horrible that mixture have been for you.'

'Thank you. It wasn't pleasant I'll admit but I know neither of you intended for the gossip. If anything I should be grateful to you for looking after Patrick and helping him these past few months. And thank you for being so understanding. Not everyone would be so open to their late best friends widower dating again.'

'I miss Marie every day but she wanted her boys to be be happy. She wanted Timothy to have a mother. You make them happy. Timothy adores you already. I truly couldn't be happier for the pair of you.' Emily leant and took her new friends hand in her own, squeezing it reassuringly

'Thank you. We're rather happy aren't we my love.' Patrick beamed raising her other hand to his lips again.

'Very happy indeed. Never happier.'

'If you will permit me to say…you're exceptionally beautiful Shelagh. That habit did nothing for you. Trust Patrick to find a hidden beauty.'

'Thank you.' Shelagh blushed. The clock chimed. She looked up and gasped. 'Oh dear, I promised Sister Julienne I wouldn't stay out for more than three hours. I've been gone four already. They'll be back from the hospital soon.'

'We'd better get you home then. Thanks for the tea Emily.' Patrick stood, pulling his love up with him.

'Yes thank you. It was lovely to meet you.'

'The honour was mine Shelagh.' Emily smiled as she too stood and took Shelagh into her arms. 'I hope we can spend more time together, I'd like for us to be friends.'

'I'd like that.'

 

They raced through the streets of Poplar, pulling up outside Nonnatus House with a sigh as they realised they had beaten the nuns.

'Quick let's get you curled up on the sofa with a cup of Horlicks and no one need know I kept you out too long.'

'Patrick I am an adult and they are not my parents. If I come home late they aren't going to ground me. They just want me to be safe. They trust me, and you. If I stay out an hour longer than intended it'll be okay.'

'Nevertheless I don't want to risk being on the receiving end of Sister Evangelina's wrath so move it.'

'Yes Doctor.'

 

'There. Nice and comfy?'

 

'I am sure there was no need to tuck me into the settee with blankets.' Shelagh play scowled at him. He grinned at her from his crouched position in front of her

'You can never be too careful my love. We've got to get you fighting fit asap. We need our Nurse Mannion. Poplar has suffered without you.'

'I've missed it too.'

'Shelagh.. I'm so glad you're well again. I was so scared.'

'I know you were darling. But I'm cured now. I'm getting better.'

 

'I just love you so much Shelagh. I couldnt bear losing you.'

 

'I love you too my beautiful man.' She leaned forward and curled her arms around his neck. 'You're never going to lose me.' She smiled before pressing her lips to his in a slow kiss. The next couple of minutes passed similarly, the pair only parting so Patrick so move up onto the settee next to her. So wrapped up in each other they were that neither noticed the growing noise of several excitable nurses and happy nuns walking up the steps outside and entering the room.

 

'Ahem!' Sister Evangelina cleared her throat noisily. The pair flew apart blushing. They had gotten rather more invested in the embrace than originally intended and their behaviour wasn't quite correct, or gentlemanly on his part.

 

'I know not why you colour so. Love is beautiful and should not be shielded.' Sister Monica Joan said as she settled on a nearby seat, instantly losing herself in her discarded knitting.

 

'How is Chummy?' Shelagh asked ignoring the nun.

 

'Recovering. Ecstatic. In love with her son.' Trixie beamed.

 

'Oh I am glad.'

 

'That is a relief for sure. Sisters might I have a word with you in private?' Patrick turned to Sisters Julienne and Evangelina smiling.'

 

'Of course. Just the two of us?'

 

'Yes.'

 

'Okay. Come on through.'


	14. Chapter 14

'Now what can we help you with Doctor?' Sister Julienne smiled.

 

'Please, call me Patrick. We're going to be seeing a lot more of each other outside of work from now on. I wanted to speak with you as the two people here who are closest to Shelagh, the two people who are like a older sister and a mother to her.'

 

'Okay?'

'I want to ask for your permission to ask Shelagh to marry me. I know we've been together less than a day but I have loved her so completely for so many months now and so she has I. I adore her Sisters and I want her to be my wife. I want to be there for her when she's sad so i can wipe away the tears, I want to be there when she's happy so i can see her face light up, I want to be there when she's angry at me so I can promise never to hurt her again. I want her to be Tim's mother, I want to have children of our own with her eyes and her hair and her intelligence and stubbornness. I want everything with her. I want to have the honour of being her husband. That whole misunderstanding yesterday made me realise how much I cannot live without her by my side, how I don't want to be anywhere but with her. I love her so much and I know I will continue to fall in love with her every single minute of the rest of our lives as I learn more and more about her. Already today I have learned new things and fallen deeper and deeper. I know how much your blessing would mean to her.'

 

'Well. That was quite a speech Doctor Turner.' Sister Evangelina sniffed, not even trying to hide the tears that had pooled in her eyes. '24 hours ago that speech would have shocked me speechless.'

 

'I can imagine.' He smiled nervously. So much rested on the two women before him. He knew he would ask Shelagh with or without their permission but he so hoped they would grant it. If they said o but he asked anyway then it would make him look bad in their eyes and could colour his relationship with Shelagh and hers with them.

 

'You realise if you ever lay a finger on her in anger, if you make her cry a single tear of anguish or pain I will not hesitate to act.'

'I do. Though I promise I will never intentionally do either of those.' He said earnestly, his eyes begging for them to understand how precious he thought her, how the thought of him causing her harm made him feel physically sick.

 

'You understand how that girl means more to me than possibly any other corporeal person alive today? That I have known her since she was barely out of her teens, I have watched her grow and change and become the person she is today? That I know exactly what she is capable of becoming and would be sorely disappointed if you were the reason she was unable to reach her potential?' She levelled him with her gaze.

 

'I do. I would never dream of holding her back. But if she decides after careful considered deliberation that she would rather be a stay at home mother than continue on as a midwife as i believe you are referring to should we be blessed with children of our own, which is just as worthy a choice, then I shall not stop her from doing so.' He scarcely dared hope that they would have children of their own passionate joining. He still scarcely dared hope that he would be able to partake in that joining with her, for months he had battled against the mental image of what that may be like. Every night the image of her towering over her, her hair-only recently discovered as blonde-surrounding him like a curtain, would come unbidden and every morning he would wake with a dreadful sense of guilt hanging over him.

 

'Then I have nothing to say except I hope she will say yes.'

'I have your permission to ask her?'

'Of course. We may have had our disagreements in the past but I could not imagine a better man for her. You have my blessing.' She smiled warmly at him.

'Thank you. And you Sister Julienne?' He looked across to the other nun who had remained silent thus far. A surge of hope flared up in his belly as he took in the wide grin she bore through the tears that flowed down her cheeks.

'You'll make her happy?'

'If she let's me I'll try to make her the happiest woman in the world every day until the day we pass.'

'Then what can I say that hasn't already been said? Of course you have my blessing and my permission to ask her. Nothing would make me happier or prouder.'

'Thank you. Both of you thank you. This means more than you could ever imagine.' His own eyes were filled with tears of joy as the reality hit him-he was going to marry Shelagh-he had no doubt she'd say yes after the past day. Yes maybe it was too quick but he honestly didn't think she'd mind. He wasn't sure he could wait much longer. After so many months of agonising pain, afterlmths of being desperately in love with a woman he couldn't have, after months of hoping, wishing, praying for a miracle to happen he finally had her. She could be his forever amd he could be hers. He only had to ask. 'Well then. I'd better go shop for a ring. And make sure Tim doesn't object to this.'

'Good luck...Patrick.'

 


	15. Chapter 15

'Timothy can you sit down with me a moment?' Patrick asked as he stuck his head into his son's bedroom.

'Is everything okay Dad?' Timothy frowned following his father through to the living room.

'Of course it is. There's just something I wanted to talk to you about. Something rather important that will affect both of us very much.'

'Is it about Sister Bernadette?' Timothy asked barely looking up from his knees.

'I'm sorry?'

Jack said he saw you and Sister Bernadette holding hands outside Auntie Emily's house. Except she didn't look like Sister Bernadette. He didn't think it was her at first, but he recognised her voice. He thinks you're courting her.'

'Well yes then. It is about me and Sister Bernadette. She's called Shelagh now though.'

'So it's true?' Timothy's face lit up. 'Sister Bernadette has left being a nun? And you're dating her?'

'I am. What would you think about that?' Patrick asked nervously. More than anyone he knew how much his boy has missed the nun. The response to her letter only days ago was proof enough of that fact. The same grin that had covered his face then was back in even greater force now. Patrick dared to hope.

'I think it's smashing! Does this mean she can take me to the zoo when you're busy? And cook for us sometimes? Will she be here more often? Do you think she could help me draw and paint better? She's awfully good. And do you think she'd help me with my maths homework? No offence Dad but you're a bit rubbish helping me.' Tim bounced excitedly in his seat on the settee. Patrick smiled wryly.

'Thanks I'm sure son. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help you and take you to the zoo though the latter will have to wait until she's fully recovered. She's still unwell.' He regretted his words as soon as he saw the boys face drop.

'I thought she was better?! You said she would be getting better! That's why she went to the sana-sani-that hospital! Did she come home because she's going to die? Did she want to die at home like Mummy did? Please don't let her die Dad! I love Sister Berna-Shelagh.' Tim's eyes filled with tears, fear flooding them. Patrick could cut his tongue out for such thoughtless words. He drew his boy into his arms. He had never been an overly demonstrative parent, that had always been Marie's role but ever since her death he had made more of an effort and it had become easier to openly hold the boy.

'No no no Tim! She's not going to die! I promise you. She's just a bit weak as a result of the treatment she received. She tires easier so elaborate trips up west are a bit beyond her at the moment. She's completely recovered from the tuberculosis. She's not going to die.'

'But she'll still be able to take me at some point won't she? She'll be completely better soon?' Tim asked sniffing into his father's neck.

'Yes. If you'd like I'll try make it so the three of us can go together sometime.' Tim pulled back and nodded smiling. All traces of the threat of tears gone from his face.

'So is she your girlfriend now? You're too old to have a girlfriend Dad. You're so much older than her.' Patrick rolled his eyes. This was only the first of many times he would hear that claim he knew. He gathered himself up to continue the conversation into life changing territory.

'What if I had a wife instead then?'

Pardon?' Timothy's jaw dropped.

'Tim you know I will always love your mother. I could never replace her for us nor would I want to. But I've fallen deeply in love with Shelagh and she has too with me, it's part of the reason she left the Order- so we could be together. She loves me but more importantly she loves you too. She's missed you dreadfully and she told me personally how much she loves you. I want to ask her to marry me Tim. I want her to be my wife and your stepmother. She won't be replacing your mother for either of us. That wouldn't be fair on her or Mummy. But I believe that the three of us could be so very happy together as a family. It'll be different but wonderful.'

'You're going to marry Sister Bernadette?' Tim was gobsmacked. This was more than he had ever dared dream about.

'Shelagh and I'm going to ask her. It's up to her to accept. Tim?' Patrick frowned as tears began pouring down his son's face in earnest this time. 'Tim? I won't ask her if you're not okay with this. Is that it? Do you not want her to marry me?' Tim shook his head, his breath catching on a sob. 'What's wrong then?'

'I'd have a Mum again?' Tim's voice was barely audible and Patrick had to strain to hear it. His heart swelled with the hope in Tim's voice.

'A stepmother yes and perhaps more further down the line.'

'I'd have a Mum! She'll actually be my Mum.' Tim flew into his father's arms again sobbing into his wrapped his arms tightly around the shaking boy, drawing him into his lap. His heart broke. Tim had been so strong these past two years, too strong in retrospect. Evidently he had been bottling up his feelings, hiding them from his father. Yet another thing among many that he'd inherited from his mother. Never had Patrick imagined that Timothy would be so desperate for a mother figure. If only he hadn't have withdrawn from Emily so much perhaps this would never have happened. Perhaps he should have started dating sooner…no…he had been mourning Marie and then had fallen for Shelagh. That was how things were supposed to have worked their way out.

 

'Oh Tim I'm so sorry. I never realised you still wanted your mother so much.' Tim pulled back and wiped away the tears and snot from his face with the sleeve. Normally Patrick would have rebuked him-it was neither gentlemanly nor useful for the already lagging laundry pile but given the circumstances he was tempted to act likewise with his free flowing tears.

 

'I do miss her Dad. Every day. But it's not that. I've had this dream for over 5 months that Sister Bernadette would be my mother, that she would make me hot chocolate and tuck me in bed and patch up my grazes with a kiss, that she'd be here every day when I came home from school and everything. They got worse after she was ill. She's really going to be my Mum?'

 

'I hope so son. I really hope so. Come on. I think we deserve a treat-how does Fish and Chips sound?'

'Sounds good.'

'Then let us eat. And I need to find out about where to get a ring. And work out just how we're going to do this.'


	16. Chapter 16

'Having heard many tales from your wonderful son I can only assume you did not cook this?' Shelagh chuckled as she lay her cutlery on the edge of her plate.

 

She had spent the day with Patrick and Timothy- the former having taken the day off from work. They had had a day of little activity, simply enjoying each other's company- playing board games and listening to music and learning about each other. She had been delighted when the door has swung open and Timothy had catapulted himself into her, wrapping her in what was quite possibly the longest, sweetest and fiercest hug of her life. Once she had finally been allowed to enter the house the boy had explained how much he had missed her, how glad he was that she was well again, how happy he was that she was his dad's girlfriend and could they go to the zoo sometime? She had laughed and returned the sentiments with a promise to journey out with him as soon as his Dad and the nuns agreed she was fit enough- unless he really wanted to battle Sister Evangelina over it. Timothy had not.

 

All day the atmosphere had been light and joyful and Shelagh had never felt so at ease or at home so quickly. Now, several hours after Tim had been sent to Jack's house for the evening so his Dad and Shelagh could have a proper first date, the pair sat contentedly opposite each other at the small table.

 

'Sadly no. This was the fine work of Mrs Byron the housekeeper. All I did was make sure it didn't burn when I was heating it up.'

 

'I thought it was quiet in there.' Shelagh chuckled, she had retired to the living room and read the most recent copies of The Lancet- the sanatorium had banned the journal in order to not scare the patients. She had always enjoyed reading it, it was her primary reading material after reading the Bible and so the chance to catch up had been welcomed.

 

'Send her my compliments then. This really was a fantastic day Patrick and a delightful first date. I do so hope you can match it with our second.' She teased. 'I have very high expectations.'

 

'I think that may be somewhat hard my darling.' He smiled nervously, straightening rigidly in his seat. Shelagh frowned. What had caused him to suddenly tense up like that? Had she said something wrong?

 

'Patrick?' Her answer began to become clear as he reached across the table and took her hands in his.

 

'Shelagh, I know we have only been together two days and that there is still so much we do not know about each other. But there is one thing I do know-I love you more than I have ever loved anyone besides my son and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.' She gasped, hands flying to her mouth as he slipped from his chair to kneel before her.

 

'Oh Patrick!'

 

'Those horrific hours on Tuesday made me realise just how much I cannot live without you. I know now that I want nothing less than everything with you. I want to wake up and have your face be the first thing I see, I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and have the taste of your lips be the last thing I know. I want the world to know how blessed I am, I want to be able to love you freely without judgement. I want to hold your hand and kiss away your tears when you are sad and I want to be there to celebrate your triumphs and joys. I want you to help me to raise our son and any other children we are blessed with. I want to be wherever you are as a family.'

 

He pulled out a box from his jacket and opened to it reveal a delicate ring, a single diamond adorning it.

 

'Please Shelagh-will you do me the honour of letting me be your husband? Will you marry me?'

 

'Oh Patrick!' Shelagh let out a sob of joy, throwing herself down onto her knees in front of him and into his arms, kissing him hard. He wrapped his arms around her and responded enthusiastically. Though she hadn't said yes it didn't seem like she was saying no either- he couldn't imagine her saying no. He refused to even imagine it. She pulled back beaming.

 

'So?' He asked, desperate to hear the words he was so certain she would say.

 

'Of course I'll marry you you idiot. I love you so much'. She fell back to rest on her onto her heels as she held up her hand in-between them. Grinning, Shelagh would later claim as she regaled the story to her rapt audience of nuns and nurses, like an alcoholic set loose in a brewery, he took her hand in his and gently slipped the ring onto her finger. 'My beloved husband-to-be.' She barely breathed as he raised her now bejewelled hand to his lips and caressed it with the gentlest of kisses.

 

'My darling wife-to-be. My beautiful fiancée.' She crushed herself to him again as they kissed again.

 

After several minutes they parted-tears streaming down both of their faces. 'Thank you. How was I ever so lucky to be given to you? You're so wonderful, so beautiful, so lovely.'

 

'We were given to each other. This is God's work. I know you don't believe in him but-'

 

'-after the past few days I may be beginning to. Having you here, agreeing to be my wife, is nothing short of a miracle Shelagh.' He stroked her cheek reverently. He stood and guided her to the settee where they settled, wrapped in each others arms.

 

This was how Timothy found them an hour later as he bounded eagerly into the living room.

 

'Well?' Patrick looked up from the miraculous woman in his arms and grinned at his son. 'Did you- you know?'

 

'I did.'

 

'And?!'

 

'Why don't you ask her yourself?' Patrick smiled. Tim frowned for a second before turning to woman in front of him who was also smiling widely.

 

'Did you say yes? Are you going to be my new Mum?'

 

'Timothy!' Patrick frowned as his son's bluntness. Whilst he had mentioned Tim being 'their son' such a direct reference to it may scare her off. He studied his bride to be and was relieved to see tears of happiness spring to her eyes.

 

'Oh Timmy. Yes. I said yes. I'd love to be your new Mum.' She nodded opening her arms to the boy. Tim gaped for a second before bursting into tears and flying into them, curling up into her lap. 'But I'm new to this all so if I make a mistake I'm going to need to help me okay? I'm going to try and be the best Mum I can but I want you to know that I will never try to replace your Mummy.' Tim pulled his head back from her shoulder and smiled.

 

'I know. And I'll help you. I love you Shelagh. I'm so very glad you're going to be my Mum.'

 

'I love you too my precious boy. We're going to be very happy together I promise.'

 

'We're going to be a proper family again. Shelagh will fix us. She's already done so much. I love you two so much.'

 

Beaming, with her fiancés arm around her shoulder and her soon to be son in her lap Shelagh took a moment to reflect upon the past week. She had started in such torment, had been so unsure of her place in the world. But she had found her way to pure joy and the love of a good man. Though it had been deeply traumatic she was glad that he had not found her on that misty road as she had expected. She wouldn't have met Rebecca, may not have relied too heavily on the Nonnatuns in her time of pain had he arrived. She may have been too scared to ask to stay if she'd had a safety net, she may have run far from them- emotionally if not physically. But she had retained the love of her old family and embraced the love of her new one. She could have easily walked a different road in life. But she couldn't be more certain that she was on the right road.

 

 


End file.
